Why Bother To Look Into Mindset?
I used to worry more than I do now. And when I wasn’t worried, I felt uneasy. Surely, I needed to feel angst in my life otherwise, I just wasn’t normal. Anxiety, fretfulness and waiting for the other shoe to drop, was my conventional mindset. When I thought about going on vacation, I envisioned how I might die in a car accident. If I wanted to strike up a new friendship with a coworker, I was certain they would think I was crazy. When applying for jobs, I assured myself that no one wanted to hire me. In general, I dreaded taking the risks that came with living.
Where Did We Acquire Our Mindset
I grew up in a dysfunctional home, but I am guessing that many people could say the same thing. The term, dysfunctional, is common and in the most general sense, it means growing up in an environment not conducive to mental or physical wellness. Behaviors that contribute to a family’s dysfunction include; physical or emotional abuse, lack of boundaries, alcohol or drug abuse, playing the blame game or denying that there is an elephant standing in the living room. This is the short list of possible dysfunctional behaviors one might be exposed to while growing up. But, here is the good news. We don’t have to hang on to the dysfunction we inherited.
Though I observed how my parents denied conflict when it arose between them, I can find a different way to deal with disagreements when they arise in my relationships. When anger showed up loud and clear in their lives, I noticed that disputing its existence did nothing to make it go away. Since I know their pattern did not work for them, why would I think it would work for me? Considering how the silence was louder than any relational conversations between my folks, it would be wise for me to learn how to communicate.
Who wants to take a close look at the old ways of thinking we’ve clung to for the sake of ease? Who wants to exert the energy it takes to move out of the comfortable ruts of our lineage? It will take an awareness of our patterns, courage to admit they don’t work and practice finding how to do things differently. But changing a mindset changes everything about life.
Why bother to look into mindset? It is worth taking an inventory of how we think so that we can do our relationships with a little less dys and a lot more function.