Why Bother to be Altered by Love?
While attending a workshop last week, I was gone from home and on my own. It is not unusual for me to leave my husband for a few days. I’ve done it in the past for other reasons, but I have to say that I am always delighted to come back home again to my spouse. Though I know how to be alone, because of him, I am a better woman.
Transformed by Love
I was not one hundred percent certain I wanted to be a married woman. As a matter of fact, the doubts in my head were so loud that it was difficult for me to believe the first marriage proposal from my husband. He didn’t really want to marry me, I reasoned. A few months later he proposed a second time and I remained skeptical. I imagined marriage as having a heavy ball and chain attached to my ankle. But one of the virtues I’ve always admired in my husband is his patience and gentle persistence. A few more months went by before he asked me again and that time, I accepted. Since he never gave up asking me to marry him, I concluded that he really must love me. I was right.
When I married, I was not looking to fall in love with anyone. I was not hoping for a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet. Back then, I was still under the impression that trusting anyone, especially a man, would squash my true identity. I told myself that it was far better for me to remain single and independent than to lose who I thought I was. I’m so glad that it has proven to be pure hogwash. Marriage, by far, has been the biggest and the best transformation in my life.
I’ve gone from immaturity to maturity, from unselfishness to selflessness. And yes, I’ve become more dependent than independent, something I was afraid would happen. But, dependence is not an awful thing especially because in our marriage, it is mutual.
Decision making is made a little easier when done together. Building a house, or buying a house, or leaving one career for another, we decide together.
Yes, coming back home again from my being on my own was not only a delight, it was a relief. I am not alone taking on the world and all it throws my way. Nope, I’ve got someone beside me who helps me, someone who knows my foibles and who loves me because of them, not in spite of them.
A good story has the element of transformation. We don’t always know what will change us the most, but if we are not changed for the better by something or someone, then we aren’t really living a good story.
Why bother to be altered? In every well written narrative, the protagonist always begins as an undeveloped individual. They need to be transformed by someone or something so that by the end of their story, they’ve morphed into something greater, something better. Allowing ourselves to be altered by love, allows us to become better characters by the end of our stories.